Openness and honesty is the key
Openness and honesty is the key for couples drawing up a “Swinger Lifestyle Contract“. Couples who have difficulty in expressing their true feelings to one another or have yet to learn how to talk to each other with openness and honesty, will be unable to maintain their relationship for long once they embark upon a swinger lifestyle. At best, these couples should postpone any thought of swinging until they have learned how to communicate openly with each other.
But expressing thoughts and feelings with complete openness means much more than just stating the things that are likely to please your partner. It involves the risk of expressing thoughts and fantasies that might not please as well. For example, telling your partner honestly how much you love doing things that you know he loves doing with you, poses no risk at all. Whereas telling him how turned on you are by the idea of having sex with someone else involves taking the risk of not knowing how he will react.
Do not rush through the discussion period prior to taking the first steps to swinging. It is the most important time of all for couples thinking about embarking on the swinger lifestyle. It is better to take weeks or even months to be absolutely sure, than to dive into swinging too soon. Making a decision of this magnitude during a hormone-fuelled chat during foreplay, is not the way to proceed. Always remember that you are drawing up a contract that will affect the rest of your lives. Careful consideration is needed because once the first partner-swap has taken place, there can be no going back to how things were before.
Contrary to the advice I am giving here, you will come across plenty of swinger couples who will tell you how they got into the lifestyle quite spontaneously with a spur-of-the-moment decision. They will always claim that they have never regretted their decision and go to some lengths to point out how swinging has strengthened their relationship. On the occasions such claims are truthful it will be more by luck than judgement but in many cases the boasting hides an unhappy couple who are unable to admit to each other how they really feel about things.
Points to consider when drawing up a swinger lifestyle contract
- Ask what the driving forces are that draw each of you to swinging.
- Make a “His List” and “Her List” of these driving forces, listing them in order of their importance.
- Discuss the reasons behind every item on each list and ensure you are both happy and understand each others motivations.
- Ask yourselves whether you both sincerely want to share new and adventurous sexual experiences together or whether you are just looking for some purely selfish sexual pleasure.
- Discuss and agree any limitations you may want to apply to swinging. (e.g. Whether to limit it to same room sex with other couples but full intercourse with own partner only. )
- People change, as so do their sexual desires and values so it is important to discuss what would happen if one partner wants to stop swinging at some point in the future.
- Discuss fully any concerns either partner has about friends and family discovering that they engage in the swinger lifestyle activities. If the fear of being found out is sufficiently powerful to inhibit enjoyment of the lifestyle, consider whether you need to postpone your decision until your social / domestic situation changes.
Taking the next step towards a swinger lifestyle
Leaving sensible intervals, go back over all the points you have discussed and agreed upon a few more times, changing them if necessary. Use this cooling off period to take your first steps towards the swinger lifestyle by joining a good online swinger dating club. Then start off by running searches for potential swinger play-mates. Next, begin making contact and arranging swinger dates with the some of the people you have identified. By this time you may have also found a swinger party that you want to attend. If so, by all means consider attending as you won’t be expected to join in with anything you don’t want to. Ideally, though, it is best to meet or date with a few swingers privately before attending your first party
